There’s going to be a lot of comedy in the first few entries on this blog. I suffer from depression, and watching a comedy is enough to help me get by. However, my taste from comedy goes from raunchy to cerebral. I just want to laugh, get a little hit of dopamine and trudge along. Enough of that, let’s look at my next offering.

A Million Ways the Die in the West is not by any stretch of the imagination in the cerebral side of things. It is a Seth MacFarlane production, but I must add this as a disclaimer: I only am familiar with Seth MacFarlane through The Orville and clips from Family Guy and the odd American Dad picture that creeps up on Facebook.

This has the solid imprint of a MacFarlane production. Sight gags, crude humor and throw-away gags by the bushel.

Having said that – I love this film. I love it for the ending – the clever guys can get the girl, the bad guy gets hoisted by his own petard and it’s better to trip with people than trip alone. All of that squeezed into two hours and a post credit scene that demonstrates the kind of star power that Seth can attract.

No one points this out. Look at all the actors who joined his film: Neil Patrick-Harris, Charlize Theron, Liam Neeson and a cameo from Jamie Foxx. Several of these people have also appreaed in The Orville, but just think about it. He can pick up the phone and get some mega-watt talent. How is that, you might ask?

He can take two things that can seem at odds: heart-warming and raunchy, and make it work. The Orville isn’t by far as clean as other things, but it definitely hearkens back to the early seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation and shows his dedication as a fan of the series.

Sorry for the side track, I should be talking about the movie.

MacFarlane made a character in that moive that we all can identify with: the hapless good guy. Sure, at first, he’s a little whiny which gives the movie its title. We can understand it because all of the other Western tropes are dialed up to 25. The Hooker with the Heart of Gold refuses to sleep with her boyfriend simply because they’re not married, and the Boyfriend goes along with it. The Bad Guy gives his target and an invitation to a shoot-out, but he breaks his own rules in the process (which comes back to bite him in the end). As a comedy, it’s politely subversive and as a Western it’s a stereotype that celebrates the genre’s excesses while skewering them.

All in all – if you haven’t seen this movie, I recommend it. Wait for the post-credit scene, it is worth it.

This movie is easily in my top five comedies and certainly in my top fifty films, but not for the reasons you may think.

Let’s set aside the boilerplate film noir template the script rests on and the one nagging question I have (which I will not reveal here because of spoilers). The reason I love this film is from a technical standpoint. Because of this film, we have The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

We see the muppets everywhere. We can see them walk down the street. We see them standing at bus stops. We see them dancing. For some of you younger people out there, this might not seem to be a big deal, but for us old people who grew up watching Sesame Street and The Muppet Show. We rarely saw them from the waist down. It was always behind walls, or in trash cans talking to people. Now, thanks to better green screen technology and computers assisting in cleaning up the images, we have a more engaging world between muppets and humans.

However, all of that tech is there to support the story. Like I said, it’s a film noir plot out of Double Indemnity and The Maltese Falcon. It borrows from those two films and a little from Basic Instinct. It’s a movie to watch several times because it sets up the rules of the world in a few scenes, but they’re not wasted for gags. They’re there to set up the plot further down the road. People keen on the Law of Chekhov’s Gun will do well to watch this film.

Other people who would be keen to see this movie are fans of very raunchy comedy (there is a scene with a cow that needs to be seen to be believed). I have never laughed so hard in my life – I had swimming black spots in my vision for a few minutes. The best performance goes to Melissa McCarthy. Mrs. McCarthy was criminally underused in the Ghostbusters reboot, and The Happytime Murders proved it. She played her character as acerbic and strung out, but she comes around helps the protagonist in the end. Again – very boilerplate, but well acted. This movie was never in contention for the Oscars when it was released, but not every movie has to be emotive knuckle-biting. In fact, it was panned by the critics, winning several “Worst Movie of the Year” for 2018.

Seriously, what do critics know?

If you’re just looking for a comedy that requires little thought, this is one to consider. Granted, there are more technically adept films out there, and much better film noir offerings to see. I haven’t even gotten to my favorite comedy of all time yet (but that’s soon), but this isn’t what the critics like and approve of for the unwashed masses. This is about what I like and why. So, go out there and rent The Happytime Murders. Watch it with your favorite person and a tray of sugar.

I know it’s been a while since I posted. I apologize for that, but I have been going through a lot, especially in the last few days – so much that I might just add mental health to the list of topics. Yep – that’ll drive the numbers up.

Anyways, I was looking through my movie collection and I came to the realization that I have 365 movies. So, I thought – why not? Do a movie a day for a year. I enjoy watching movies, and I have some doozies that I would like to expound upon. Also, I really need to develop consistent habits as far as writing goes. Beating myself up (the stick) hasn’t been working, so I might try this (the carrot). If anyone has a suggestion for a movie (I tend to be heavy on action films and drama), feel free to send it to me. I am in the process of setting up an e-mail account for this that I can access on a consistent basis. I would really like to see what everyone else is watching.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and will have a good New Year. Given what I’ve been put through, I really need a good year for a change.

Everyone, be well. Check out the books on the right hand side – I highly recommend Subterfuge. It’s a very tightly written thriller by Erv Kline. Also – there’s the kofi link, because its winter here and I could use something warm.

Take care, and I hope to see many of you in the New Year.

Drama at home and abroad has invaded my shell-shocked attention span. I was working on my take on Joker. I’m still going to do it, but I need a little more time.

I promise, I am not going to abandon this blog again. Even if I have to put up memes to entertain you all.

I have accomplished two goals: I’ve had the “Impossible Whopper” and saw Joker in the theater.

I am going to do a deeper dive in Joker a little later, because I don’t want to spoil anything. A week should be long enough to wait, right? Don’t worry, I’ll put up a spoiler warning in case you’re reading the blog and haven’t gotten to a theater yet. But first…

It’s impossible that Whopper was made from plants or plant material. It has the same taste and texture as their regular Whoppers – even the charred parts have the same feeling on the tongue. It’s a little but pricier than the regular Whopper, but at least you’re getting something that’s worthwhile to eat. Granted, this is the second time that I had vegetarian burgers (that I know of, see previous post), so sample pool is very limited.

I’m going to buy some vegetarian burgers late on in the week. I still have some good old-fashioned meat burgers in the freezer that I need to use first. After that, it’s going to be plant burgers for a couple of weeks just to see. Whether or not I feel anything different is up for debate. If anyone reading this has had experience with vegetarian burgers, or vegetarian eating in general and wants to chime in on what to expect or what changes occurred please do so through this blog. I’ll respond as soon as I can.

Note to all the cow farmers: I’m not eliminating red meat, just trying new things. Relax. All is well.

On to Joker.

This is a movie that makes you think – as all good movies should. This is Joachim Phoenix’s next Oscar film and it should give the comic book movie genre much more gravitas. I want to say more about it, but I also don’t want to give anything away (until next week).

This is part of new DC comic movie franchise called DC Black, which is (if this movie is any sort of hint) going to be not a part of the regular DC continuity. It’s going to be a series of smaller, but more serious and darker films. More character study than big name team-ups. If Joker is going to be their typical fare, then this production line is the worthy opponent to the MCU.

There have been some to say that this movie is too violent, or that this will add fuel to the fire that is the incel movement. Honestly – there is no more violence in this movie than the typical action film. In fact, there are only three scenes that stand out in my mind that are violent, and only one of those three is rather graphic. If you can sit through any of the squickier scenes in one of the Saw films, you can handle Joker. As far as this film being the siren song for the incels…well, if you make of someone and belittle them and poke them long enough, they’re going to poke back. If this film isn’t the catalyst, and at the time of writing this there are zero Joker related incidents reported, then something else will or won’t be. If you’re worried that a movie is going to trigger a riot among the lower castes of society, that says more about you than what you fear.

Well, I think that’s all for now. Feel free to drop a line about veggie patties, or your views on the movie. I’ll answer back as quick as I can.

Have a good day.

I’m going to try a new tack as far as keeping this blog going. When I started it, it was going to be me talking mostly about writing – a how the sausage is made sort of thing. It was after a few attempts I realized that this was not going to work for one simple reason.

I am lazy and easily distracted. Regular readers know this intimately. So, I am going to borrow a page from one of my favorite webshows: #everythingiscontent

I am going to write about whatever is happening or strikes my fancy. I could talk about writing; I could talk about a movie and get into the ins and outs of the story. I could talk about a remark that someone made about something. I could talk about how Amazon has screwed up my order again (not bitter – just really, really tired of it). Whatever gets my fancy will get my attention.

Well, I want to talk about Joker, but at the time of this writing, it’s still not released. So, I’m going to talk about the first time I’ve had a vegan sub.

Over here in the States, Burger King has rolled out what they’re calling “The Impossible Whopper”. The patty is made of plant material and it’s branded as tasting just like the real thing. I haven’t had it yet, but Subway has marketed something similar: “The Meatless Meatball Marinara”. Since there is a Subway right down the road from where I work, I thought I would give it a shot.

Now, I have never had anything marketed as ‘meatless’. I have no comparison to make, and to be honest when I went in to get the sub, I don’t think the lady understood everything. I think she caught ‘meatball’. I’m going to give her the benefit of a doubt. I might do this again in a less crowded and quieter place.

After I received my order and scurried back to the office, I tried it. It was just the meatball, marinara sauce and cheese. A simple sandwich for a simple person.

I am surprised that it tasted more like meat than a regular meatball sub. With this being the case, two things can be drawn from this:

1) Plant based meat can work with no loss of taste or texture

2) Subway’s meat is apparently more filler than anything else – this notion dismays me more than anything.

Now, I am going to continue with this experiment. I am still going to get the Whopper Friday, and I might even go as far as try to find some vegan patties on my own and really try to get a bead on all of this and just try it for a while. I even thing that these vegan patties have more protein than standard tore-from-a-cow patties. I’ll report back after a while. I have a friend who is a vegan (she used to edit a bowhunting magazine. I think that is the very definition of irony), so I might get some more tips and directions. Who knows? This might be the start of something new. Is this the slippery slope of veganism? Am I going to wake up surrounded by wilted lettuce with random girlfriend yelling at me that I’ve changed and that I’m not the person I once was? Am I going to walk down streets, restlessly scratching my arms and asking if anyone can hook me up with some tofurkey?

Nah, but it is going to be a fun experiment.

What talent would you most like to have? What would you do with it?

This is an easy question.

Draw. I can’t draw to save my life. I can’t even draw a stick figure with someone standing in front of me as a model, much less draw people off the top of my head. Whether or not the 10,000 hour thing is correct or not, I’m pretty sure I’ve spent most of that trying to progress beyond crude stick figures. As much as I try, and I’ve had some private lessons from friends, but it’s like there is a mental block keeping me from progressing.

Which is a shame because the Internet is a visual medium.

If I was talented as an artist, I’d take all my novel ideas and turn them into webcomics. Some of them I would love t see sketched out. The Dreaded Day Job, for example, would be a great one to see done. Actually, I might try to turn that into a screenplay. When I write, I see everything like a movie in my head. Translating that visual image down onto paper (or tablet) is something I can’t do. In fact, my visual artistry is restricted to still photography – and I’m not very god at that when it comes to the editing of the photographs. I am trying to get better, but with everything I seem to have more things to do than time to do it in.

I should dust off the camera at some point, just take a day and say, “I’m going to do nothing but photograph stuff.” There is a junk yard near to my house, so I am not going to run out of subjects there (or diseases caught). I think I should try to cultivate photography as one of my few hobbies where my mania for writing can’t apply. I do play role playing games, but that ends up being a joyous exercise in character creation which turns into an excuse to build another novel. Almost all the books in my head started out as game characters.

Another talent I wish I had was music. I played guitar, but it was always that plateau I couldn’t surmount. I can appreciate music – despite what my detractors say about my taste – and I can play a very little bit. I just can’t make that leap to the next level. While I am willing to accept this more than my lack of visual artistic skills, it would be nice to be like Stephen King and rock out with the Rock Bottom Remainders.

Is it envy? Or is it more of a matter of the grass is always greener? I’ve had people tell me that they wish they could write. It’s not hard – just sit down and start. I guess that’s how other people feel when I say ‘I wish I could draw like you’ or some such. I think this Saturday, I’ll whip out the camera and take a small safari. If I want to get good at anything, I need to start.

I finally saw ‘IT: Chapter Two’ in the theatres, by far one of the best movies I’ve seen this year. Stephen King adaptations tend to run in only two directions: great (Misery), and not so much (Maximum Overdrive). While I was worried that the second half wouldn’t translate well, and I do have a couple of bones to pick with it – all in all, it has been one of the better adaptations. Nothing is better than Misery as far as film-to-movie goes.

One of the things that I noticed with the second one that didn’t happen with the first were the jump scares. There were fewer ones in the second, and the ones that were there (only three) you could see coming. I think this was a stylistic choice. The first movie dealt with the characters as children, so they’re going to be many more things to terrify them. The director made a good choice in really amping up the horror, but also giving the audience time to cool down…much like the children had with the summer. The second movie had the Losers Club as adults. Fewer jump scares, because they had already been through the hazing that was Pennywise twenty-seven years ago, but now their fears were reasonable, adult fears. The only character that still had that childish scares was Patrick Hocksteller. He was still trapped in that child-like mind set from being in the sanitarium.

The great thing about both the novel and the movie was the message about not giving up a child-like mind. Not letting the wonder fade into the grey ennui of mortgages, 401k and the comfort of a good marriage. All the Losers Club went on to jobs that benefited from that young spark of imagination mixed with the very adult toolset of intelligence and wisdom. One thing that I really liked in the first movie that carried over to the second one was things happening in the background. One of hte more remarkable scenes featuring a chronically underused Bill Hader was his confrontation with Pennywise during the festival. Pay attention to the background. I don’t want to outline it for fear of spoiling it. Given the nature of the confrontation, and what happens the director gives us a very unsettling reinforcement of Pennywise’s subtle control over the whole town.

There are some problems I found with the second film, and they aren’t very spoilerly if you’ve read the book and seen the movie, but you should also know that adaptations are rarely faithful – but if you want to go to the theatres with an untainted mind, skip the next paragraph.

Aubrey and Mike – Bill and Beverly’s spouses respectively – don’t make much of an appearance in the film, while in the novel, they’re powerful pawns in Pennywise’s defense. I understand that there might have been more, but it was either not present in the screenplay, or their material rests on the cutting room floor. Mike should have gotten more screen time at the beginning, just because I would have liked to have seen Beverly having to face down him down in the final showdown. While all of them had to face more nebulous psychological fears, it would have been nice to see Bev face down and conqueror a very visceral fear in Mike.

All in all – It: Chapter Two is worth the price of admission, in theaters right now. Go see it. Next week…I don’t know. I might do another card just to try to stay in the habit of scrambling to beat a totally arbitrary deadline. Writing is continuing on as it slowly does. I am finally getting to write one of the scenes I’ve been waiting to do for a while involving Ehren and the reason why he sells barely functioning potions to people who really don’t want or need them. I can’t wait!

Stay safe, Ignore any clowns offering you balloons. I’ll see y’all later.