The Five Hundred and Seventy-ninth Post: The One Where I Bare My Anxieties!

Today is going to be a bit of a rest day for me. Only going to work on the outline at work, and when I come home, I’ve got laundry to do. I’m starting to feel a little burned out on writing the outline, and I know I am not going to get it finished in time for Nanowrimo. I’ve got a good third of the book outlined, so it’s not like I am going into this without some sort of plan. Not that it’s stopped me before.

The whole thing is daunting, really. While, yes – I’ve finished books in less time, but there is something different about this one that I can’t really put my finger on. I’m not dreading it…maybe a little intimidated by the idea of a hard deadline. Also – I have an idea for another horror novel that I might pick up in a while (horror is a subset of fantasy, right?). It all seems larger than me to accomplish, but I am going to try anyways. The worst that can happen is I don’t finish it by my deadline of December 31st, with days off for Thanksgiving, Christmas Day and the day after Christmas.

I can do it.

On other things, my mini painting has gotten a little better. I’m not going to worry about layering, glazes and the 3-D look. I am just going to paint for me. I’m not going to compete in contests, I’m not doing commissions. This is as close as I am going to get to a visual artistic medium, and to he honest – this is for mini I am going to use in my D&D games. No one cares.

I don’t know why I am feeling so anxious about Nanowrimo this time around. I’ve won it a couple of times now, I’ve been in it longer than I can remember, but it seems really larger than me this time. Maybe it’s because I am really throwing myself into it this year. Going to all the write-ins, getting up earlier to get an extra hour of writing in and working in three writing periods (morning, lunch and after work).

I’m sure it’ll all smooth itself out when November 1st rolls around and I am clicking away on the keyboard. Wish me luck.

I promise to get back to the goofiness next time around.

The Five Hundred and Seventy-eighth Post: The One Where I Grow Impatient About Several Things at Once!

I don’t really think I am going to finish the outline by the end of the month like I had hoped. It’s over halfway through the month and I am on Chapter Six – not even up to the first killing. This might end up being one of those ‘work on the book during the morning and evening and outline during lunch’…which had never happened to me. Then again – I don’t usually outline this extensively. We’ll see if I can still make my overarching deadline of a manuscript finished by the end of December. Don’t look for this book to come out any time soon. I am taking my time with this one.

The Writing Process in a nutshell…

Speaking of not getting jack done – I am finally getting Baldur’s Gate 3 today! I’ve been waiting for this game since I saw the cinematic opening (which I have linked for you – enjoy!). I have never completed the first two games – came close with the second one, which remains my favorite, but I can’t wait to get home and try it out. I am going to measure out the time I spend with it. I do have other priorities after all.

Even though it is October, and I still have two months left in the Year of Horror – I am looking forward to the Year of Fantasy next year, and I think I am going to work on The Deadly Barrow first, because one – that’s a on-going series and two, I can monetize that fairly quickly. I just need to get back to it and get it finished before releasing it as a serial. I really want to get back to something that’s a little more grimbright than what I have been writing. I like writing about people fighting the status quo, even if they fail. I don’t know if my merry cast of characters will fail, but it will be nice to see how they do.

Well, that’s all for now. Just me counting down the hours until I can get the game I’ve been waiting for what feels like decades. I promise to maintain this blog, but there are going to be times when I blather on about the game, and like I’ve told my wife ‘just nod your head and pretend to pay attention and I’ll be fine’. Ta-ta for now.

The Five Hundred and Seventy-seventh Post: The One Where I Describe the Joys of Pre-Planning!

I never thought I would say this – but I am beginning to like outlining.

Maybe it’s the fatigue talking from getting up at 4 A.M. I started serious outlining with Catastrophic Christmas Party because I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget any of the (hopefully) funny scenes. I found myself sticking to the outline, which was a simple ‘one-page-one-chapter’ outline that was concentrated enough for me to put in what I wanted to happen in the chapter, but vague enough to let me come up with what should happen.

Now, I am doing a more detailed outline for my Nanowrimo project. It’s really good for giving me a roadmap because I like to wander if left to my own devices, and in that wandering forget some scenes I really needed.

When I started, I figured that if I wrote it in my head, and then just transferred that to paper, that would be enough. Ha! I found myself wandering all over the place, often ending up with a thematically far different story than what I started out with. Not a good outcome for someone trying totrain themselves to hold to a deadline. I mean – does Stephen King outline?

I also had his problem of ending stories. So the outline more importantly tells me when to start wrapping things up.

So, from here on out, I am going to outline every novel I start…except the ones I’ve already started and have stubbornly not finished. You know – everything else I have done.

With this outline coming along and taking up a lot of my time, I need to figure out how to balance it and revise Christmas Party for the December release. I haven’t gotten the manuscript back from Nancy, but writing the Nano project is going to take up a lot of my time. It might end up being a Sunday only thing, since that’s the one consistent slow day I have. I just hope I can get it done in that amount of time. I might not wait for Nancy to finish reading it, I should go on ahead and hop on it.

Other than my hair being on fire with all these projects, I am doing well. A little tired from going back to waking up at 4 A.M. to try to get some outlining or blogging done. By the way, this blog is brought to you by Death Wish Coffee. Death Wish Coffee – Sleep is for the Weak!

I hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of fall. This has been a mild summer, don’t you think? I also hope that this winter will be mild as well. At least my car has heat in it for a change. Never skimp on a car, folks. That’s the only bit of wisdom I can share with some certainty.

That’s all for now, hope to hear from you soon and I’ll catch you in the next one.

The Five Hundred and Seventy-sixth Post: The One Where I Actually Open Up About Something That’s Bothering Me…

Can I get real for a minute?

I’m getting ready to write the outline for my next, and last horror book of the year.

I’m going to write about a native Kenyan schizophrenic coming over to America and losing his mind. I’m a pasty white boy from Virginia who’s never crossed the Rockies, much less been overseas. I’m no schizophrenic. I’m not sane either (heh). The only thing I have going for me is that I have done a lot of research into schizophrenia – in fact, this book is based on a study I happened to have stumbled across while looking for something else entirely.

I don’t have the background for this.

I don’t even think this is my book.

I’ll just quietly retreat from all of this and go back to comedy…

Now, I have written about murder, without having committed a murder. I’ve written about elves without having pointed ears and a six-hundred-year outlook on life. I’ve written about cannibalism without having so much as biting someone in anger. Why do I feel so nervous about this particular book?

Is it the climate that this book is being written in? The fact that I have put in the kind of work that I have, and my whole career can be killed even before it gets off the ground by someone calling a racist? Even if I take the time to defend my position, would anyone bother to hear it? The pessimist in me (a loud, old man to be sure) says that no one is going to care. The label will be slapped on me and that will be that.

If only that many people *read* the book…

Should I write this book, though? I could easily hand it off to someone else. Someone who has more experience than me in certain matters. I can finish the outline, drop off photocopies of everything and say “Good luck! Remember me in the author’s dedication list!”. Being a ghost writer is an honorable profession. So is using a pseudonym. We can ask Anne Rampling how that worked out for her.

I would hand it off to someone, even offer to write it for them and give them credit…but my ego would never allow it. I could not stay quiet if I gave this away and it became a success. The bitterness would overtake me so fast, it’d make your head spin. The rest of my life would be chasing that success to reclaim it.

What should I do, then? Write it and then quietly smother the baby in the crib? Set all my research aside and hope to find someone willing to be the front face of this particular book? The pressure behind the sunk-cost fallacy is real.