Author: Seething With Apathy

The Five Hundred and Fifty-Sixth Post: The One Where I Change Antagonists in Mid-Stream!

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I’m going to work on Your Tribe, Our Tribe after I finish the current work. I’ve noticed that my last few works featured female protagonists, and I should take a break from that. Well…that and Breeder isn’t coming together like I want it to, but YourTribe, Our Tribe is bubbling along quite nicely. Given the themes of identity and groups vs. individuals are really salient today, I should strike while the iron is hot for a change.

The Show Must Go On is coming along very well, even though my writing habits are becoming spotty again. I’m about to declare one of the secondary characters dead and really kick off the strangeness. I’m excited to do this, because we’re getting into the horror of the story, and I’ve been itching to get into that real deep. I am still looking forward to having this done by the middle of next month, but for my own mental health, I’m calling that a soft finish line. I guess the schedule will be that I write in the morning, afternoon and evening, but on the weekend, carve out an hour or two for re-writes for ServeMe Now. Now that the text is finished, I am getting better ideas on what I should have included. Working them in is going to be a task, but it has to get done and get done soon before I can try submitting this book to a traditional publisher.

Yes, I decided, and I am going to try to get this book out there for a small to medium sized press. I am going to try to get it published that way for a year. If nothing happens by the end of the year, I will self-publish again. I have a good feeling about this book. I can feel things coming together with it. Maybe horror is my genre? Who knows? Comedy and fantasy haven’t really worked out well for me.

Well, having said all of this, I do need to get to work. Thanks for stopping by, check out my books to the right of screen, and feel free to donate a cup of coffee to the cause.

The Four Hundred and Fifty-fifth Post: The One Where I Continue My Streak of Literary Masochism!

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I have to admit, there is a difference in writing during Nanowrimo (camp or otherwise) than writing other months of the year. With the down months, there is a little more freedom. I’m not obsessing over numbers and word count…not that seven hundred words is a lot. I’m a little more relaxed. I don’t worry over not hitting the word count for the session, and missing a session doesn’t put me into a funk for the rest of the day.

So why do it? Why do I put myself through the gauntlet now twice a year?

Your services will no longer be required…

The reason is because while I am doing it, I get a sense of accomplishment. Sadly, I don’t finish most works I start (I swear, I’ll get to them one day). With Nanowrimo, I have a goal, I have a plan and I have other people working with me. It makes it all bearable. Would I recommend doing it? Sure. The only way you’re going to see if you have the stamina to do such a thing is to do it. Okay, this isn’t like running a marathon in a physical sense, but there is some discipline to it.

So, right now I’m working on The Show Must Go On. This one is a little bit of a challenge for me since I don’t write first-person point-of-view often, if at all. This one is another horror offering to keep up with this year’s theme of horror novels only. Serve Me Now has been finished for a few days – actually finished it ahead of schedule! – and is getting ready for re-writes, of which there will be plenty. I need more conflict between the main character and her boyfriend. I don’t think I really hit the ‘cosmic horror’ vibe I was looking for, either. Look for this to come out no sooner than next year to be honest. It’s going to take a while through the writing group.

That’s all for now. I’m keeping pretty busy and hoping to get another novel finished this year. My overarching goal is to write four: Serve Me Now, Breeder, The Show Must Go On, Your Tribe, Our Tribe. I’d like to write more, but those are the only ideas I have for now. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a good day!

The Four Hundred and Fifty-fourth Post: The One Where The Cat in the Box is Reading My Novel…

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I can haz review?

Apologies for the lateness, but I had finished the book as far as word count goes – wrote 60,000 words in about 22 days – but as far as the story goes, I need to finish one chapter and then I am completely done. It’s turning into quite the Schrödinger’s Novel – both done and undone. There are a couple of chapters that I might pad, but there is definitely one chapter I need to finish. I don’t know if I want to pad them or not. I might bring them it up to the writer’s group. So far, it looks like the whole novel is going to end up with a fist draft of 62-63,ooo words. After that I need to trim off 10% and then bring it to another group (if it’s still there). I am leaning towards getting trying tradpublishing this so I really want to get the word count down to something that is appealing.

On other news, I think I have a werewolf story to round out the four for the year. I was

going to do something along the lines of “My 300-lb Conjoined Twin” to throw in some body horror and a light poking fun of reality shows. However, this werewolf idea is too good to pass up. The title (taken from lyrics to a Soulfly song called “Tribe”) is Your Tribe, My Tribe. I hope I’m breaking some sort of new ground…because I am bored with shifter romance. I want to bring some sense of madness back to werewolves. We’ll see what happens.

There’s not a whole lot going on here to be honest. I’m just trying to finish this book before the end of the month, and me being the procrastinating type will probably not get it done until 11:59:59.99 PM April 30th. Here’s to writing while one’s hair is on fire!

The Four Hundred and Fifty-third Post: The One Where I Looks Like I Might Finish Something For A Change…

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I am so close to finishing the novel. I just need to pad the final chapter and write a couple that I skipped over (Candy Coated Freakout and Serve Me Now, respectively) while writing the first draft. After that – I am done with the first draft and I can begin the re-writes and the edits. Hopefully, I can keep this a still tight 60K words. Once all of that is done – I get to do the thing I like the least (even less than re-writes and editing) is trying to design the cover, but I am going to worry about that later.

It feels so good to be near the end of this. The next project is going to be The Show Must Go On. This one is going to be a total re-write from what I had initially started. This one is going to be a first-person, which is my weakest P.O.V. writing. I haven’t written that many, so I am looking forward to the challenge. While I am writing that, I am going to brainstorm for my third horror book called Breeder and it’s my first haunted house story. I have another idea that definitely needs to be fleshed out a little bit more called The Golden Ticket, and we’ll see what happens from there.

I’m hoping that some of my other books will get picked up from these four horror books. I just need to find the genre that I can profit from. I’m going to get back to The Marvelous and Malefic Doomsday Medicine Show since it has both a horror and fantasy vibe to it, but I want to spend 2023 getting a better platform put together.

And that’s all that this year is for me – trying on horror since that’s a genre I love nd have read plenty of. The other one is fantasy…even though I never read Lord of the Rings. Yes, yes – please feel free to clutch your pearls and swoon. I’m just not a fan of the writing. Worldbuilding? Holy crap – I wish I could get to that level of detail. Besides, I’ve seen the movie dozens of times and it’s a source of inspiration for me.

Mostly, I am ready for this book to be done. I’m ready to move on to the next project and start that over again. I have a better feel for the beats, and I’ve been watching enough ghost hunting shows that I think I can fake a good one. I just have to get this one finished. Three chapter, I should get that done by the end of the month. I hope I didn’t jinx myself.

Not helping…

The Four Hundred and Fifty-Second Post: The One Where I Feel Good About Things…

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I’m feeling better about Camp Nanowrimo. I’ve settled into a routine, and I am over halfway through the novel. I’ve hit several ice cream scenes (with one I had to re-write because of a guilty conscience) and I am actually close to wrapping it up. Will I get it done by the end of the month? Looks like it, to be honest. If I keep up this pace, I’ll probably finish it before the end of the month. What’s helping? Coffee, early morning writing sessions and slow workdays where I can work on the book during down times. Heck, I did 1500 words today at work before coming home. Nice.

I am looking at my next project: a haunted house book called Breeder. I am going to try to hold myself to the same schedule. I can get this done in a month. Now, when I say I’m getting it done in a month, I am only referring to the rough draft. There is no way I am going to go from first draft to print in a month…well, not if I want to put out a good book. Right now, my writing group is getting the current project I’m aiming for an October release – this is the perfect Hallowe’en book.

As far as anything else goes – the only thing I’m looking forward to is GenCon. Not only is it a vacation for me, it’s going to be three days of gaming. No writing, no plotting, no nothing. I have a feeling I am going to need it once Serve Me Now and Breeder are finished. I think I have gotten a hold of my muse for once.

Yes…you…

It’s back to being fun again. Tiring, sure – waking up a 4:00 AM is a thrill to no one, but I have the house nice and still to concentrate on writing, and it makes me feel like I’ve done something, which boosts my mood throughout the day. I do sleep in on the weekends with me waking up at 7:00. Good times, really.

Well, that’s all for now. Still up to my hips in one novel and thinking about the second one. Hope everything is good for you. Ta-ta.

The Four Hundred and Fifty-first Post: The One Where I File an E.P.O. against Calliope…

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When someone says ‘muse’, I’m sure the image of gauzy dressed women standing in a perpetual gentle summer breeze whispering little phrases into the writer’s ear (maybe with a light nuzzle or a peck on the cheek) comes to mind. After all, muse is a special thing – a spirit of inspiration for the artistic sort.

This is my muse, and it is not all neck kisses and summer breezes.

Uh-oh

As much as I was looking forward to pitting myself against the Camp Nanowrimo challenge, I am only a person. I did stumble a little and took a night and a morning off – I was tired from waking up at 4 A.M. and working until 10 P.M. Was I refreshed? Did I feel better? Am I attacking the assignment with a sense of renewed vigor?

Your word count’s a little low for today…

I felt tired, still. I feel a little tired still the next day. As much as I tried to relax for this little time, I couldn’t. The word count and the guilt hung over me like the keyboard of Damocles. Don’t get me wrong – I love writing, but it’s not the romantic, patient love of a parent for a child, or a spouse for one another. It’s the obsessive love of a fan for a star. It’s the love that burns like a dirty grease fire – water doesn’t put it out, it makes it worse.

Can I stop writing? No. My muse won’t let me. Like a Catholic nun, it wields guilt. The God of writing is the God of the Old Testament. It will not suffer false idols. Fire and brimstone await you if your word count is under 2,000 today. Writing is a grim, cheerless religion.

This is also by no means a healthy view of it. Is this what I have to do to become successful? I can’t not write. I’m always thinking about it. I’m always writing stories in my head. I’m always reading to steal notions. Ideas don’t stop in my head. Writing is as much a part of my being as my hands, or eyes or feet. Does anyone else feel like this? Maybe not about writing, but about anything?

Maybe I’m writing this as a roundabout way to ask for help, but I don’t know what kind of help I need? More coffee? Stronger drugs? Realistic expectations?

What am I going to get out of Camp Nano? Physically? Nothing.  A little blast of serotonin for completing a task, but there is no money (unless this gets published). Bragging rights, but to who? Readers of this blog and my writer friends – other people with their own muses and forces driving them. Will they think less of me if I fall? No. Will I think less of myself?

We all know the answer to that.

In the end, I know I have to step back and take an honest stock of this small event. I know I tend to obsess about things like this, so I just need to re-evaluate my priorities and take a good stiff drink.

I’m typing! I’m typing!

The Four Hundredth and Fiftieth Post: The One Where I Cast Myself Into The Literary Pell-Mell…

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On the first of April, I will attempt to work on Camp Nanowrimo. This is the spring version of the November classic Nanowrimo, where dozens of people try to write a 50,000 novel in the span of 28 days. I’m doing this because – why should I limit my insanity to only one month a year? For the next thirty days, I am going to work on Serve Me Now! during April with the goal of finishing the first draft before Midnight May First.

While I joke about the insanity of me trying to stick with anything longer than two weeks, I like doing this because it’s a measure of my willingness to complete something. I always feel that I am holding back when it comes to writing. There is a timidity to my own spirit when it comes to writing something. Sure, I dedicate my lunch to writing, and I try to focus on writing when I’m at home after work, but I never feel like I’m committing to something. There seems to be this distance between me and the work.

Doing Nanowrimo, and now Camp Nano, feels like me whipping off my clothes and screaming “LET’S GET FREAKY, BABY!” I feel like I’m getting in touch with my passion. I feel I’m dancing with the Maenads and sloshing holy wine all over the place. I feel alive at 4 A.M. and I’m chugging my third cup of coffee before work whole pounding on the keyboard in the dark. November and now April are months where the spirit rides me. Something that doesn’t happen the other ten months of the year when it comes to writing. I don’t want to just close the distance, I want to rush it while foaming at the mouth.

Of all the hobbies and passions I have, this is the only one where I feel this way. D&D? Perfectly fine with it. I’m not reading books on improv and/or The Method like I’m reading On Writing. Painting minis? Not watching endless YouTube videos on how to get the perfect shade of green like I watch writing channels. All my other hobbies have this little distance that I’m not fretting about. Only with writing do I feel that I’m not investing enough.

Well, I am going to change that come April. I ma going to let the door swing wide open and throw myself without abandon into writing. I might not be blogging much during the month, but it’s not because I have nothing to blog about. I’m going to get the novel done and might even start the revisions, who knows?

So – wish my luck and I will see you on the other side of April.

The Four Hundred and Forty-Ninth Post: The One Where…Am I Feverish? I Feel Feverish…

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I never recommend about writing diseases. You start looking at the symptoms and measuring them against your own day. The next thing you know, you’re banging on the doctor’s office door yelling about how you’re certain you have Goodpasture Syndrome because you had a particularly stubborn coughing fit. Don’t even get me started on psychiatric disorders.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love the research part of writing. Learning about new things (is this infected? Am I going to die?) and trying to find ways to incorporate them into the book. This time, I am learning more about one part of the brain now, than I ever did growing up. Of course, I’m also learning about the diseases that come along with it. My new mantra is: if this were really a disease I had, the doctors would have found it by now. Relax.

You again? You’re fine. Go home.

I wonder if something like this happens to other writers? F. Paul Wilson, one of my favorite writers, puts a ridiculous amount of research into his books. I really have to wonder if he sleeps at night, or does the knowledge of what he’s learn fritters and frays at the edges of his sanity?

He probably gets a solid eight in.

One thing I’ve been looking for in fantasy is a book that has horror elements in it. I’m looking for something along the lines of It meets Lord of the Rings or Dragonlance Chronicles meets We Sold Our Souls. They’re curious mash-ups, but I can’t really find what I am looking for right now. I know that Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series comes highly recommended, and I am going to give it a chance soon, but I’m looking for more of a swords and sorcery flair. You know what that means.

Gotta write it myself, I guess.

So while I’m working on the manuscript to one horror book and the outline to a second, I should be trying to brainstorm for a third one. At least it’s keeping my mind busy. Which is something I can always use.

Well, speaking of work, I need to get back to the manuscript. Hope y’all have a good day.

The Four Hundred and Forty-Eighth Post: The One Where the War is Without and Within…

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I have a problem.

I love games with deep lore and in-game history. I’m not into the mechanics of the games so much as I am with the history and the personalities that make up the game’s atmosphere. One of the games I like with a super-deep lore is Mechwarrior/Battlemech. I played it as a table-top game, and as a video game when they came out. I have the latest iteration of the game: Mechwarrior 5: Mercenaries. I love it because it takes place at the same time frame I’ve played the table top game. I like watching what’s going on and knowing that there is a deeper story unfolding that I can’t wait to see happen.

Also being a writer, I have a premium on time. There are only twenty-four hours in a day and a lot of them are allocated to every other thing that gets in the way like work and sleeping.

Look at him. Lazy.

At some point, I have to write.

Writing takes discipline. Discipline that I really don’t have with the omnipresent Mechwarrior 5 begging and pleading for attention. Before you say, “Just play an hour.” This isn’t a game that you can settle up in a session or two. This is a looong game – as long as Borderlands 2 (another favrotie game). You can see my problem.

Get thee behind me…

As much as I love writing, even when it’s a struggle to get something out – I love the distraction of the game. That’s what it is, is a distraction. I need a better way to deal with it. Right now, I write during lunch and that’s it. When I get home, it’s the game before and after dinner before I go to bed. I should be writing. If I do my 850 twice a day, I can finish this book in a month and a half.

But Mechwarrior…

Trying to find something to inspire me, I watched the movie Creed and there was this line from Stallone:

ROCKY

[pointing toward Adonis’ reflection in the mirror]

That’s the toughest opponent

you’re ever going to have to face.

This is the mindset I need to cultivate. It’s me against me – the creative me that wants to do this for a living against the lazy, game obsessed me. It’s going to the gym me against the junk food and TV watching me.

ROCKY

It’s you against you,

and he’s in the way.

Get him out of the way.

I need to get Mechwarrior out of the way. I need to get TV out of the way. I need to get junk food out of the way. Will it be easy? Nope. Will I stumble? You bet. But I’m only going to fail if I quit.

The Four Hundredth and Forty-seventh Post: The One Where I Ask If Dentists Prefer Black and Decker Pilers to Craftsman?

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The first chapter of my latest horror novel (titled: “Serve Me Now”) is not really the first chapter and that’s a good thing, because it was like pulling teeth to get it written in the first place. After it was finished (and I felt like I’d just climbed Everest with a 300 lbs. conjoined twin on my back), I let my wife read it. She said it wasn’t the best I’d written – which means it was a pile of hot garbage. I showed it to my writing group – they said I could do better. That definitely means it was a pile of hot garbage.

So, I went on ahead and wrote the second chapter. I figured that I could continue along with the book and just come back to the first chapter and rewrite it in the second draft. I let my wife read the second chapter, and she said it was a lot better – no shoehorning of things, no beating the reader about the head with certain concepts. I haven’t shown it to the writing group yet, but I’m sure they’re going to like it better than the first first chapter.

This is what it’s meant when the writing advice: kill your darlings is uttered. I kinda liked the first chapter. Sure, it was clunky, but I liked the opening of Leslie taking the cherry tomato from Brian’s salad. I liked that visual and how it set up the future of the book. However, the rest of the chapter was, as mentioned earlier, hot garbage. So…it got cut, but I am going to keep that scene with the cherry tomato to be used later. Maybe as a sign that the hunger is getting more intolerable for Leslie.

How was your writing experience?

I am continuing along with the novel, and the tooth-pulling has diminished, but not gone away. I’m concerned that the hunger is growing too rapidly so far. I really want it to be a source of dread – especially when it drives her to the point of legit insanity. Pacing is always a problem for me. Maybe I should bring that up to the writers group. Been writing since I was about seven, and I am still learning things. Never quit learning, kids.

The weather is getting better here, but I am not going to do any photography for a few more months. I want to make sure we’re not going to have a cold snap anytime soon. I’m still struggling to find a good subject, so right now I’m just working on technique. I need to get good soon, so I can make my own covers, I have so many ideas, but I need people to work on them with. Any local volunteers? I can guarantee a steak on one photoshoot.

Well, that’s all for now – sorry this is a little late, but my schedule’s been crazy. Check out the books on the right – I am going to be adding a couple more soon from favorite authors. Stay safe, stay dry and ta-ta for now.