The Seventy-Seventh Post: The One Where I Make A Minor Psychological Break-Through…

I haven’t posted a blog since the 3rd of August. I would like to say that I decided to take a vacation, but that would be untrue. The fact of the matter is that I just stopped. I had told myself that I was going to write Monday to Saturday, but I didn’t feel like writing – especially after Saturday. I’ve also been a bit dodgy about the novel – I got a very little bit done on Friday. Sunday night, I stayed up to watch Curiosity land and went to bed at 2:30 AM rather than midnight. I woke up on Monday at 8:30 AM, but felt like I was trying to think through cotton and spider-webs. So I took a 2 ½ hour nap, with enough time to get ready for work and leave. I did do a little bit yesterday with the next ice-cream scene in the novel (I’m going to continue that today and take advantage of that app in the Color). Overall, this is the first major writing I’ve done in a few days.

But I told myself that I was going to put my nose to the proverbial grindstone on this. I was going to work regularly on the novel and blog on a consistent schedule – but as we can see, I am unwilling to be held to that. What’s even a harder kick in the pants is that this isn’t the first time. I am starting to consider that I am – and looking back over various things that meant a great deal to me at the time – in the habit of sabotaging myself. Why? I am not entirely sure (or I am completely unwilling to face the truth). It could something as simple as I’m lazy, or the fact that I feel as if I deserve nothing good in my life and doing this feeds that thought process. Well, now that I know this – I can work to either mitigate the effects of this thinking, or just float along… and thus, the purpose of this blog is revealed – to be a private sounding board.

Back to the novel – I started writing the ice-cream scene on my Color and I am going to finish it there and move it back to my computer. I’ve gotten a new idea and I don’t know if it should be in the same realm as Rhona and the others, or should it be its own book. The idea (and it is still working itself out in my head – so I am scribbling madly in between calls at work) is that the main character is stricken by some illness that is known to be fatal, but he has to accomplish something in a short amount of time… so it is a race between his illness and this accomplishment. I am intrigued by the idea of the hero being somewhat infirm and getting worse as time goes on. So, as far as research goes, I am going to look for diseases that are medium-term (two to six months) that have a set of highly visible symptoms. I’m not going to start it until I am done with I/O Error. The idea is that I have one novel I am working on writing, another novel that I am outlining and one that I am plotting. I am trying to keep busy, going along with the idea that while quality is going to get me fans; quantity is going to get me paid.

That being said, I have some work to do.

Sincerely,

Seething Apathy

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